Got a toothbrush?
she was so not down for the gang bang
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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