I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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