Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His nipple licking is glorious
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