Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
