i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
