I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
