Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
