you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
