check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
