True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
