I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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