I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
