I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize