loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
