My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
