Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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