i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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