Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
