I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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