Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize