Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
