Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
