I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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