I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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