fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
