Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
