Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
