YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it because I queefed?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
