Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
