it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
