I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
