I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
