got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
