I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
