I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Randomize
