Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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