My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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