Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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