She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
