My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
