she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
