You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
