You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
