i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
