I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
