I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
