On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
