Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
