Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize