Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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