Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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