Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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