We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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