Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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