Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
