You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
