I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
