I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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