im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
