the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
