I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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