yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
