I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
