I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
