She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize