we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
